OIRB was never meant to be a fashion critic blog. But watching the French Tennis Open this weekend, I just so happened to catch a glimpse of a certain Bethanie Mattek Sands’ match against something something Lisicki. And it was mesmerizing.
Bethanie is American, ranked 170 in the WTA. However, in our horrible tennis style ranking, she is an obvious number 1. Or is she? Here is our top 5 horrible tennis styles.
5. Serena Williams
The motorcycle / hells angels from outer-space look, by Serena Williams. Good enough to make number 5.
I especially like the leather shin guards.
4. Maria Sharapova
The mermaid-look was a long shot, even for Maria.
Obviosuly, Nike recently hired the people who did Jenifer Lopez’s provocative Versace rainforest dress at the oscars back in 2000.
The question left unanswered here is: how can you be so pretty and look so bad?
3. King Joffrey
The fact Joffrey Baratheon from Game of Thrones is competing in the women’s top 5 probably won’t come to you as a major shock. His douchy bandana and pipe tennis-look was good enough to beat Serena and Maria.
Not a real tennis racket, you say? Try telling him that and you just might get yourself killed. Or at least yelled at and sentenced to death.
Anyway, badass King J sits at number 3.
2. Bethanie Mattek Sands
She tried her hardest, but she could only make second. Despite these unbelievabl(y ugly) outifts.
This was yesterday:
The patriotic baseball player look.
What are you thinking: more Jane or Tarzan?
Breasts are Jane-like but biceps and and shoulders are screaming Tarzan.
1. Venus Williams
This was a close one.
Mistaking her sexy (or not) night gown for her tennis outfit, Venus Williams shocked the sports world with a skin color panties. Everyone thought she was naked, and… well, she almost was.
Good enough for numero uno in our horrible tennis outfits top 5.
Ok. Now you’re just doing it on purpose.
Demon man may just have been beaten out for the title of wackiest face piercing combination.
Straight out of your worst nightmares, we proudly present: “Caged-eye vampire man”:
There’s a deranged young man if I’ve ever seen one. Why vampire? Well, there are the fangs, of course. And the fact he seems to be purchasing sunscreen at his local 7/11 (see background).
Ever felt an urgent need to cut through dead pigs with swords and two handed machetes?
These sword salesmen have.
Watch as two of the biggest posers to ever be on youtube show you their skills cutting up bamboo trunks and soda bottles.
Unfortunately, they DID NOT stop there.
Next up: special forces shovels.
“Now that’s a sharp shovel”
If you are bored check out the 18,000 other videos they made.
Well, there aren’t any jobs down here on earth. So here are the best cartoons of Jobs in heaven!
(hahahahah get it??? ahhhhh So clever!) By the way, Steve Jobs is dead, if you have not heard.
We are so sad, here at ohitrunsbackwards, that we will run forward for a second, and not write anymore stupid comments about these cartoons (and god knows we have many!)
We’re sorry, but Caius Veiovis, also known as demon man here at ohitrunsbackwards, what is this GGG on your forehead?
Oh, it’s 666, ok. Got it.
You sure you didn’t just bump your head six times on your bunk bed, in prison?
This six-horned minion straight out of lucifer’s wildest dreams is.. you guessed it.. wanted for a triple murder and kidnapping charge.
If you were the other two… why would you want him on your team of super assassins.. it’s a dead give-away somethings gonna go down when this guy shows up. Or maybe you use him to make sure no one ever recognizes you, because, really, no one will be looking at you with him by your side.
Too bad for the video cameras.. other wise it would have been a good plan.
Here is he just coming out of the bakery… and by bakery, we mean prison.
We hadn’t heard of him for a while.
Well, he’s back.
Running backwards, eating dwarves… the whole shebang.
According to buzzfeed.com:
“Percy Foster was a 3-foot-6-inch dwarf who starred in the UK porno “Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go.” He bore an uncanny resemblance to celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. Welsh agriculture officials discovered Foster’s body in an underground chamber, leading to this grisly headline from British tabloid The Sunday Sport”
Grisly headline indeed.
Next time, pick on someone your own size Honey Badger. Geez.
Oh ya, you ‘don’t give a shit.